Prayer Requests

1. I have set up meetings with many people/organizations in Bangladesh and couple in India. My main goal for this trip is to find a 6-8 month paid internship with someone currently doing Business as Missions. I want to be mentored by a Godly man in what it looks like to minister to people through business; meeting needs both spiritually and physically. This will have life changing and far reaching ramifications.
2. I have seen and glimpsed poverty, but I don’t think I have seen it as wide spread and prevalent as I am about to see it. The average person in India and Bangladesh lives on less than $2 US per day. Pray for wisdom in how to deal with that mentally and practically as I meet beggars and people in need.
3. I have lined up meetings with a school, an orphanage, businessmen, missionaries and there will be more lining up of meetings once I’m on the ground. I will encounter encouragement, discouragement, wisdom, foolishness, good advice, horrible advice, and who knows what else. I know that He will teach me a lot by listening to and talking with those who have gone before me. Pray that I will have wisdom and discernment. Pray that I will ask good questions and be open to the things He has to teach me.
4. God has been good in providing sufficient work to where I can take this trip. and I'm very thankful for a few sponsors who also helped to make it possible. Praise God for providing everything I need.
5. Pray that I won’t be a sponge. It will be easy for me to make this trip about me and my future, but that is a very small clip in a much larger picture. Pray that I will overflow with His grace and be able to bless, challenge, and encourage those around me—both believers and non.
6. I met with a travel nurse last week and apparently there are a myriad of bugs, sicknesses, and diseases I could catch between the cities and jungles of South Asia. I have always been a strong healthy young man but she didn’t think that was enough to keep me from getting one of the dozens of words I haven’t seen before. I’m armed with malaria medicine, anti-diarrhea, and antibiotics. Pray that I won’t catch anything too incapacitating.
7. Pray overall that His will is accomplished in me and through me and that He will be glorified.

Stress and Grace

As I look at the next year I have no concrete plans of where I will be or what I will be doing. I have goals, vision, motivation, reasons, passions and pursuits. Where does that play out? How does that play out? Well I don’t know. Honestly, I think that should scare me or stress me out . . . but I’m quite ok with it for now. I know what I’d like to be doing, but it is going to take God lining things up and a lot of trusting and patience on my part. I am naturally a go getter. I set an objective and I go after it with all I have until it is achieved. In pursuing opportunities in Bangladesh this has led to me going over there for a survey trip. It’s been a long time of actively waiting. Limited to email and Skype, I have had to learn to wait on and trust God. I have some ideas, some hopes, and prayers about long-term opportunities that I want God to reveal to me in January . . . but once again I’m waiting—waiting to go, waiting to meet the opportunity, waiting for the next step, more waiting. Don’t get me wrong, the waiting is not passive by any means. I have learned active waiting. There are many things I can do and have done, but after I have talked to the boards, set up the meetings, read the books, attained the skills, and so on; I still have to wait on Him.
All that to say, I have learned more about trust than I have about stress. It is sweet place to know that as I wisely and passionately pursue the things He is passionate about, He will take care of me and He will guide me. While I trust Him, He is clearing the road before me; and though at times it may be really foggy or dark and I can’t see very far in front of me, He promises to be the light for my path and that is something that brings peace. By His grace I am where I am, and by His grace I will go where He takes me and I can hardly wait to see what that looks like. In the meantime I actively wait, I take comfort in His sovereignty, I read His word and I get to know my Savior better. This is my prayer for you all as well: Know Him, love Him, trust Him for He is good.

Asia Bound

This week I bought tickets. In January I'm finally going to Asia to see first hand what opportunities there are. As I think about the possibilities I must say I'm slightly intimidated. I don't think that I'm anxious. Paul tells us not to be anxious but rather to pursue things with prayer and supplication, but that intimidates me even more. I think one of the things that makes me uncomfortable is the idea of being uncomfortable. Despite fighting it, I think I have grown comfortable and complacent here. On a given day I know what to expect. I know who I will run into and converse with, I can choose to engage or avoid awkward and challenging situations, I feel like I am in control of things. As I pray and seek His will, and look at my deep desires as a believer I know there is so much more that He has for me. I know the desires He has for reaching the lost, helping the needy, and healing the hurting. I know that He is growing these things in my deepest desires and directing me to engage this work head on. As glorious and altruistic as that all sounds, when it comes down to it, these tasks are really messy and really hard. I wonder if I'm up to the challenge. I know that His grace is sufficient and that His strength will be my strength.

In one sense I have big expectations and am praying for specific things. He has placed this area of the world on my heart. He has placed a desire to meet people's physical needs through business. He wants to to use me to tell the lost and hurting that there is life and healing and fullness in Him. Why this part of the world? What city? What business? What partners? What local body of believers? How long? What is the next step? For now I know the next step is to pray and fast and seek Him. In January I'm adding to this going to seek out more answers in a few specific cities. I've seen God answer huge prayers before and I can't wait to see what he chooses to reveal in the next few months.

A rare piece of poetry

A verse that helped me come out of a hard time was Matthew 12:20: A battered reed he will not break off; a smoldering wick He will not put out. Recent conversations reminded me of this time and that even though I wasn't seeking God, he never let me go! I started to write, wanting to convey my circumstances and how this verse encouraged me that even though I was full of selfish pursuits, God had not abandoned me and still craved a close relationship with me. As I wrote I ended up putting the verse in the first words of each line...i don't know the poetic name for that though.
Enjoy cuz I don't often write poetry

A man seeking his own.
Battered, beaten and bruised. A brittle
Reed thirsty, weak and dry. Near dead but
He would not let go. He
Will not abandon. I have
Not any faith, nothing fills. Thirsty, weak, and dry, at a point to
Break and let all go. Once on a straight path, now
Off.

And was obscurity clear,
A distress troubled.
Smoldering, near burnt, always wanting. My
Wick, can it be bright? Its futile.
He would not let go, He
Will not abandon.
Not with my strength I fight.
Put to trial, well done!
Out of the breaking, complete.


Hope that's encouraging to one or two of you.

Hunting and the Gospel?

I recently went hunting. Not just for an afternoon or a day. I took a 5 day trip to Michigan to hunt for 3 days. As I should do more, I asked myself beforehand, "How does the gospel affect this trip? and how does this trip affect the Kingdom of God?" I would be traveling with believers so there wouldn't be evangelistic opportunity. At first I wasn't sure and almost didn't want to put much thought into it because I really enjoy spending time in the woods hunting and didn't want to come to the conclusion that it was wasted time. I decided that I should pray about it and maybe I would figure it out on the trip.

As we left at 4am Wednesday morning to start our 13 hour drive, I took the co-pilot seat. Instead of sleeping, I chatted with the driver. We talked about books, church, preachers, eschatology, women, hunting, missions, and stuff like that...we had a lot of time on our hands. The time passed and that afternoon we arrived at camp. After a hearty dinner, we examined the map, picked spots for the following morning's hunt and headed to bed. I got to sleep in a tent. The weather predicted a low in the night of 27 degrees Fahrenheit. Needless to say, it was cold. I slept in my long-johns and inside of two sleeping bags on an air mattress that was 1.5 feet wide. There is a challenge that comes with sleeping on that sort of air mattress. It's engineering is designed so that after inflation it is raised down the center of the mat, sloping downward on the sides. Any movement to one side or the other leads to rolling off of it onto whatever hard surface one is trying to avoid sleeping on. Therefore, one must sleep in balanced position, not moving the entire night to 'enjoy' the comforts of an inflatable mat.
Day 1 of the hunt was spent mostly in the woods with only 1 deer being harvested although I saw at least a dozen. The challenge with bow hunting is not seeing deer, its getting those deer within very close range. Day 2 it rained a lot, and 2 deer were harvested. Day 3 we went to the famous Beaverton Tavern for their famous "wet-burritos" that are so large few men can eat the entire thing, although we always try. We chatted about hunting and sports and work...the usual. As I left the BT, it occurred to me one area the gospel had affected that lunch and the trip overall. It was in our conversation. We didn't constantly talk about the gospel or grace, but I don't think we had to. I realized there were a lot of things we didn't talk about as a result of Christ being in us. This seems trivial but I really try to think about how various things are affected by the gospel and I was really wondering about this hunting trip.
So basically I saw two areas specifically that were affected by the gospel and may even have a small affect on the Kingdom. First was our conversation: Overall it was edifying, encouraging and uplifting. We didn't talk about a lot of negative things, sinful things, or tear each other down. Secondly, I enjoyed praying as I sat in the stand. Imagine complete silence, the smell of earth, the leaves and the trees after a light rain. I sit up in a tree above squirrels scampering around, birds chirping, an occasional turkey or deer walk by completely unaware of my presence. For hours in this tranquil silence I lifted up praise to one who created it all. As I thought of friends I prayed for them --friends who know Christ I prayed that they would grow in Him; and friends who are not believers that they would one day know the one who created them and the serenity I was enjoying. I was just able to talk with the Father and enjoy it! I also was able to spend spend some great time with my earthly father and brothers and talk with them and strengthen our relationship which I thoroughly enjoyed!

Fasting and Reason

I was in the bookstore sitting behind the counter when my little Indian friend came up, arms folded and informed me that she was mad. She is the most brilliant and mature 9 year old that I have ever met and I was very interested as to what had made her mad. So I asked her to tell me all about it. She told me that she was hungry. "Why are you hungry?" I asked. "Because I'm fasting. I've been fasting since yesterday and it stinks because I want to eat something and can't." I thought maybe it was a Muslim holiday where the family fasts for something or other. I asked her why she was fasting. "I dont know... but we do, and I don’t like it." Then she left with that flustered face that kids make to let everyone know they are flustered, inviting inquiry as to why, giving them an excuse to vent about something. She came in just wanting to let me know that she was fasting, but the fact that she had no idea why saddened me. So many people are caught up in religious practices, living their life by strict standards, going out of their way to do things, or even depriving their body of nutrition because... they think they are supposed to... because its what they do... because a leader said so... but not really knowing why. I was sad and wanted to relate to her and tell her that I fast too sometimes, and it makes me really hungry as well. I wanted to tell her that I fast when there is something that I am very burdened about and want to talk to my heavenly Father about it all day long. That when I have thoughts of being hungry it drives me to prayer and that is my reason for fasting, and that it always changes my heart and draws me closer to God. I wanted to tell her all this but she was gone and didn't come back all day. She was gone, off to continue being hungry and left to wonder why.

I have known many people who call themselves Christians and are in a similar loop of actions without solid reasoning behind what they do. I read only this version of the Bible, I go to this church, I wear these clothes and listen to this music, I don't go to those places...and so on... just because. Because a parent raised me this way or a pastor said this is what good Christians do... When these things define who we are as a Christian there are huge problems. When people look at me what do they see? What mental categories do they put me in? I want to be known as someone who loves people the way Jesus loved people. I want to be defined by how I treat people with love and how I speak unceasingly about Christ and how He affects my life. I have a lot of work to do, and heart changing that needs to be done, but He is faithful.

I'll see my Indian friend again soon and maybe we can talk more about fasting and the reasons behind our actions.

lack of money and opportunities

I received an email today with a link to a missions video. It was not the usual God breaking through the darkness and crashing through cultural barriers and people coming to Christ in far off places video. It started with scripture which is usually encouraging, romans 10:14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? ¹⁵And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" The narrative continued to say that instead of sending missionaries, they were having to bring missionaries home due to lack of funding. Instead of being sent to preach the gospel and tell the good news, they are being called home.

Many thoughts came to mind, I'll share a couple. The first obvious thought is the one the makers of the clip want you to have: "Thats sad that missionaries are having to come off the field, how will the gospel progress in those areas?" This was immediately followed by "Well, God is sovereign and the progression of the gospel is bigger than lack of funding." This is not to say that we shouldn't give and send, we should; its a clear command in scripture. Who knows what seeds have already been planted in areas where missionaries are having to withdraw? Seeds of seeking in the hearts of unbelievers, seeds of vision and creative access in missionaries, and seeds of the passion of evangelism in the lives of national believers. God calls us to efficiently use our resources for the Kingdom. When the most obvious of those resources-money- run out, its not the end of the mission. The mission continues wherever you are. I won't exhaust this point, but if the money just isn't there, then it shouldn't be looked at as a failure. It should be viewed as an opportunity to serve elsewhere--indefinitely until He calls you elsewhere.

Secondly, and the more pervading thought I had was what an opportunity for a different sort of missionary to step up to the plate and take over the reigns. An opportunity that will still cost money, but instead of and endless drain of money, an investment in something self-sustaining, reproducible, and an investment that has temporary as well as eternal return. When a church suffers financially due to a downturn in the economy, there are still people (at home and overseas) that need jobs. What if a church took a portion of their mission budget and financed a businessman that was not only a good businessman but a man of God with a passion to see the lost come to Christ; a visionary that could see an opportunity, start a business and employ non-believers in an area where there are not many believers! What if in the course of employing these non-believers--interacting with them daily--this businessman was able to lead one, or two of these nationals to Christ! The ball starts rolling and the implications are endless! This is my vision and what I believe God has called me to do in the near future. I don't want to misconstrue my point and make anyone think I disapprove of or think that the traditional model is bad. God gives each member of the body different gifts, that's what makes us the body! If everyone went to Asia to start businesses and lead one or two people to Christ, who would disciple or pastor or perform all the other functions of the body? This is just one gift that God uses.

Here is the video that I was emaild: http://give3.ccci.org/frontlines/home?m=WX8860
I encourage believers to first pray. Ask the Father what your role in the kingdom is. It may be serving where you are and giving sacrificially to enable others to go. Your role may be to take your skills and resources elsewhere--going overseas where the church is less concentrated. These are really our only two options (barring disobedience) that we have as believers. Matthew 18 tells us to make disciples. That is whether we are at "home" or elsewhere.

Grow in Christ my friends! Drink deep of the fountain of Scripture and let Him change your mind and your heart and give it all to Him!

A Me Centered Gospel

I recently went to see an old friend’s band play. When I got to the venue it was a church that was having some sort of youth rally. Chris and I walked in as they were doing some worship music. I was enjoying sitting back watching people worship, then someone started talking and it went downhill fast. It was completely an emotion driven time. He started chanting ‘Amen’ when I thought he was going to say something meaty, but that might have killed the emotion. When he did start talking it was all about YOU! It was a lot of really good partial truth, but it lacked any foundation or solidarity. He skipped over any reason for our faith or new life—things like our sin and depravity, or the death of Christ—and went straight to Christ is risen and we’re going to change the world, yay! No one is perfect but God still loves us, praise Jesus, yay! This is the gist of what he said but he took 5 minutes to say it in a sort of whispered and excited way to continue the emotional experience. Chris looked at me and said “that’s not the gospel.” There was more talk of how its all about being good people and changing the world because people will see God in YOU! Your generation and the gospel depend on YOU! YOU have to get rid of sin in your life or the gospel will die. There was nothing about how wretched we are without Christ, nothing about how Christ took our penalty, nothing about a regenerated heart, nothing about any reason to live for Christ other than an emotional pep rally that got some kids so intoxicated with emotion that they were jumping up and down shouting.

The band was there to provide music and a good atmosphere which they did well, but when it came to the speaking, it was totally a me focused gospel that sets people up for a twisted Christianity, an over inflated view of self and a small view of God.


It saddened me that these kids were being fed such a partial gospel. It was about having all the goodies of the Christian faith: forgiveness, freedom, and a ticket to heaven. But for some reason its OK to skip all the groundwork and the hard parts like humility, sanctification, and suffering.

I don’t say this to bash anyone but that it was eye opening for me and gives me a reminder to check myself and to make sure the gospel in my life is focused on Him and not me. Its so easy and comfortable to fall into thinking that this life, even my Christian walk is about us…its not! Any good in my life is a result of His grace and Him putting a new heart in me.

Is it about life or is it about death?

Is the Christian walk about life or is it about death? Well I must very confidently say Yes! Last week as I prepared to speak to the college class I thought I was going to talk about death: dying to self, putting to death the flesh, and the like. The more I studied I found a lot less about this topic than I thought. As I read Romans, Philippians, Hebrews, Ephesians, Ezekiel I found more about living with Christ, walking in the Spirit, and sanctification. Previously, somewhere subconsciously my focus was to not sin, enabling me to walk closer to Christ; that sounds good right? The problem is that it puts the focus on me and what I'm doing and how I can better my walk with Christ. A very me focused gospel.
Ezekiel 36 sums up how my walk with Christ works. After 35 chapters of describing Isreal (us) as the whore of the nations, he says that for His glory He is going to wash us clean, put a new heart in us and make us desire Him, after which we will walk in His ways and obey Him and love Him and it will pain us to think of what we were and we will not want to sin against Him. None of this is because we are of any worth, but because He wants to glorify Himself through us! WOW.
Romans 6 and 8 flesh it out a little bit more saying that Christ has died for our sins, we were buried with Him and now we are dead to sin, we are Sons of God and alive in Christ Jesus! Paul says that if we are walking in the Spirit, we will put to death the deeds the flesh. Basically, I had it switched. My focus doesn't need to be putting the flesh to death, that's a very close secondary. My focus rather should be on living in and for Christ! The dying part has been done, my focus needs to be on LIVING for the one who did the dying for me and on walking in the Spirit. He enables me and gives me the desire to do so and as I walk in Him, I will naturally put to death the flesh. We call this sanctification, becoming more like Christ.
Why are we sanctified though? That's another huge can of theology for another day, but basically so that we can continue to spread the message of Jesus Christ. Our Sanctification is not about us, but rather like God said in Ezekiel: that it was for His honor and namesake.

So, its about death-the death of Christ! Then after washes us puts a new heart in us it is about life-life in and for Christ!

The death He died he died to sin once for all; but the life He lives He lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer your body to him as an instrument of righteousness. Sin shall not be your master for you are not under the law, but under grace. Romans 6:10-14

Where Can I find Jesus? [Main St]

This week was a week full of abnormal interactions, starting with Jay, the 27 year old girl who was going through more suffering than I ever care to encounter. Most of these encounters occurred at the bookstore which is why I like that job so much. I encounter people from all walks of life with any and all kinds of “Christian” theology. Saturday I met a man who had previously been an evangelical, then a fundamentalist, and now after ‘being mentored by CS Lewis,’ has decided to be Catholic. I didn’t really want to talk to this man because while so easily swayed by man’s wisdom he seemed very dogmatic and un-swayed in what he thought to be truth. I asked him what made him change his thoughts on religion. He explained that it was after much reading. He read CS Lewis and many other reformed protestant theologians and somehow came to the conclusion they were all wrong in areas and decided he should become Catholic. This was a reminder to me that the wisdom of man, even wise men does not compare with the power of Scripture and sound doctrine. After taking in Scripture, the Holy Spirit gives knowledge and discernment so that we can approve what is excellent and true, making us pure and filling us with the fruit of righteousness; this only comes from God, not men.
Later the same day as the store was filled with people a man walked into the store wearing a large wooden cross around his neck and a large African smile on his face. Without even glancing around the store he came directly up to me and asked me in his cool South African accent “Where can I find Jesus?” I was caught completely off guard and my mind went completely blank wondering if this man was serious or not because he did not have the demeanor of a man that was really seeking what he was asking for. Being surprised at the question I nervously said that Jesus was in Heaven with the Father. He immediately followed with “Well, how can I find this father?” I asked if he was serious and he adamantly said “yes, I asked you a question for you to answer, so now you will give me an answer. You say Jesus is in Heaven with the Father. How can I find the father?” I quoted Jesus saying He was the only way to the father. The man fired back “Well how can I find Jesus?” Thinking I had just done some circular reasoning, I backed up and elaborated the simple Gospel of how we had sinned, messing up God’s perfect creation and Christ paid for that sin and we have to put our faith and trust in Him. It was such a weird conversation in which there were more pointed questions that I felt I should have had a better and more concise answer for. After a couple questions I was more relaxed and I felt it turned more into a casual conversation than a pop quiz that I wasn’t prepared for. I asked if I was adequately answering his questions and if he had a Bible that could more thoroughly answer his questions. He said I was the only scripture that he had at the moment and only I knew if I was giving him good answers. He said “You say are a Christian, you should know what the Bible says in order to answer my questions.” By this point a friend had joined in on the questioning and by his comments I gathered the man I had been talking to was a well read believer who was more or less probing to see what doctrine I believed. I wondered if I was part of a survey of some kind and if my answers were being recorded. The conversation deteriorated into questions like “Why do we sell books that contain heresy in them?” and “Which version of the bible is the ‘best’ of all the ones we sell?” At that point I had to welcome some other customers and help them find some fiction book, probably filled with bad theology in story form. The whole interaction with the man was very random and uncomfortable. I said goodbye and the men left the store without even browsing around. After uncomfortable situations I always think of how I could have better handled them or made them more comfortable. It made me wonder how ready am I to always give an answer for the faith I have; even when I’m not expecting it. I mused over the gospel again and again in my head throughout the rest of my shift.
After work I headed downtown to meet some friends visiting from out of town for dinner. I sat on a bench and read my email while I waited for them to get lost while driving around to find a parking garage. A less than privileged man approached me and introduced himself as Rick and sat down next to me. I gave him half my attention and continued to read my email. He said “I’m not racist, but you ‘white folks’ enjoy the expletive weekend.” Well, it did seem rather racist and I asked why he wasn’t enjoying his weekend. He rambled for a minute and then said he wasn’t gunna lie, he just wanted some money for a beer. I laughed at this point and said I liked his honesty and that most people who walk up to me like he did just give me some sob story and tell me they need gas money or money for food or something. We made small chat for another minute and I handed him the two dollars I had saying I liked his honesty. Since it was on my mind, I asked him if he knew Jesus. He said he did, and I asked him what that meant to him. He gave some Sunday school answer about how Jesus died for our sins; then he admitted it didn’t mean much to him. He asked why I was a Christian and I told him that after trying many things, Christ was the only thing that satisfied my soul and gave me joy. Then Rick surprised me again, he said “so if you died, you know for sure that you would go to heaven?” I thought the evangelizer was supposed to ask that question, but overall I was glad he brought it up. I confidently said I did, then asked him the same. He said he wasn’t sure what would happen. At this point Rick opened a window into his life. He explained that he was racing one night and lost control of his car and crashed. He ended up ok but the crash killed his 1 year old daughter. His family still hates him for it and will never forgive him. After that incident he went to church a lot and always tried to do good and even gave out literature for the church. After a while it didn’t seem to help and so he went back to his old way of life. I told him that God can forgive us for anything we have done and that God’s own son had paid for our sins and that it wasn’t anything we could do- good deeds or passing out literature- it was a gift! He asked if I still sinned. I laughed and said yes, but God has changed my desires and I don’t want to sin against Him. He said, “So you don’t want to have sex?” I laughed and said I do, but only with my wife, because that’s the way God set it up. After asking what I do when I sin, he said “So you can sin but its ok as long as you ask forgiveness each time?” I explained that it pains God when we sin and that He has given me a new heart with new desires and that I want to live to please God and act more like Jesus, living for others and not myself. By now I had a few missed calls, a voicemail and some text messages from my friends who had finally made their way into downtown, but I considered my conversation with Rick more pertinent. He wanted to let me go but asked that I pray for him. I said well let’s pray. As we sat there I prayed for him. I prayed that God would break into Rick’s life and show him Christ and forgiveness, that his family would be able to forgive him, that Rick would be able to forgive himself, and that God would change Rick’s heart, then ended asking that he would enjoy his weekend.
As I walked to meet my friends, I thanked God for the interaction He threw my way. The whole conversation flowed naturally and I could feel Gods presence. Although he didn’t pray, it was a great discussion about grace and forgiveness and what it meant to be a Christian. I knew that the awkward conversation I’d had in the bookstore had mentally prepared me for the casual one I had with Rick downtown. I thanked God for his providence and funny way of reminding me of the gospel and for the way he truly cares about people like Rick. Its only by His grace and changing my heart that I cared to listen. Rick wanted a beer; I wanted to talk about Jesus, something way better, so I did.

I am not acquainted with suffering

A girl walked into the bookstore today, talking on her phone; she seemed aggravated, flustered, and very humble. She was discussing how someone had wronged her. This person was on parole and if she wanted to be vindictive she could turn them in for something or other and get them put back in jail but “that’s not me” she said. She also said a couple of times how no one had offered to help her.

When she got off the phone she looked very downcast and she asked me if I had anything that could encourage her. I said “how about a hug?” I gave her a hug and that put a smile on her face and she thanked me. She said she was looking for a book to help her through a rough time and that she had a lot of things going on. Another customer asked what was going on and she started a long list of things I have never experienced first or second hand. She put on a small smile, happy that someone was showing interest in her life, and fighting tears she slowly said “I may have ovarian cancer, I got kicked out of my house, my 3 kids and fiancé and I are living in a hotel, I almost lost my job, I have a few other health issues” she said some other things I don’t remember, but she was obviously in a hard spot and suffering. She mentioned she was only 27. I could see scars on her arms; I don’t know if they were from abuse or just a hard life. I did not know what to say… The gentleman that had asked the probing question asked if she knew Jesus. She said she was “born in church, but had been away from it for a long time.” He said something about knowing what it what it was like to go through some crappy situations; he then asked if he could pray for her. Right there in the store with customers all around he held her hand and started praying in a normal volume like he was talking to a friend. He prayed for what seemed a couple minutes that God would see her and help her and encourage her and that she would find joy and love and peace in Him. The whole time I’m thinking, “Why didn’t you think of that, Bryan?” and “What book can I offer her that will help her in her situation?” When he was done praying he reached down and handed her the last copy of a Rick Warren book saying that it helped him a lot when he was dealing with some tough times and that it would bless her and encourage her. I don’t doubt it was providence that he just happened to be standing there by that exact book as she walked in and started talking to us. She asked me if I had any books on marriage saying she and her fiancé wanted to grow closer to one another. All I could do was show her a section of books filled with marriage advice, half of it probably common sense or unhelpful fluff. She picked out two and asked which one I thought was better…I had no idea, I haven’t read any books on marriage. She chose one, but the other one sounded good too so I gave it to her and paid for it myself later. I told her to tell me which one she thought was better after she read them.

During this interaction I had two thoughts, the first of which I hated more than the other, but I hated them both. The first was a self-righteous upper middle class bias that was engrained in me somewhere in my upbringing; probably through hearing snide comments toward the homeless, the poor, or the hurting. Knowing it was only a half truth as I thought it, I thought “you are where you are because of the decisions you have made.” True or not, you are where you are, and sometimes that sucks and you need some help to get out. Secondly, I thought, “I have no idea what this girl is going through, or how to really help her.” I was glad that other gentleman was in the store and at least in word sympathized with her and had the boldness to pray for her and ask her if she knew Jesus, the only One who could really help her. I thanked him twice before he left the store, and thanked God many more times for his interaction. The only thing I knew to do for the girl was pray for her and give her that other book as an act of kindness. As her credit card was processing I jotted a quick note to her saying I would continue to pray for her. I meant it, and I will. As she left I told her that I would pray for her and that I hoped things would get better. She smiled but…I still felt like I wasn’t doing anything to help her.

Later I kicked myself for not recommending the Psalms or even probing deeper about her relationship with Christ. How could I be so unhelpful and timid about speaking up?